Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
