I cockslap morals
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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