Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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