Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
