Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
