hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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