Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
A bitchslap is in order.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
