Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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