Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
