Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
