take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
