I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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