I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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