Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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