I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
