Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
