I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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