pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
