My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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