Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
