somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
