I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
