yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
