So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Buhtt sex?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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