My girlfriend figured out who you are.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
