look no pants
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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