eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
