btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
