Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
