Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
