Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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