I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
