I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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