You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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