cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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