drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
