The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
