is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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