my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
