i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
