I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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