Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
