I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
