oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
