I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
