Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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