eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
