I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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