My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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