Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
