so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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